There Is No Balance, But There's Always Choice

Choices Part 1

This post is the first in a three-part series on managing life's many demands. Over the next few posts, we’ll explore how to make intentional choices, manage the concessions those choices require, and understand the consequences that follow. But first, let’s dive into how to pick your most important plates and keep them spinning.

Picking Your Plates

Think of life as a plate-spinning act. You can’t keep every plate in motion all the time, so you need to choose which ones are most important. For me, those plates are family time, alone time, and couple time with my husband, Alex. These aren’t just items on a to-do list; they are the core aspects of my life that I refuse to compromise on.

In our fast-paced world, we’re constantly bombarded with the idea that we need to balance everything perfectly—work, family, personal time. But here’s the truth: Balance is a myth. Life isn’t about perfectly balancing all your responsibilities; it’s about making intentional choices about what truly matters to you. Let’s talk about how to pick your most important plates and keep them spinning.

Family Time: Evolving and Adapting

Family time has always been at the top of my list, but it hasn’t always looked the same. When my kids were young, family time was easy to define—dinners together, bedtime stories, and weekend outings. But as they got older, their interests and schedules became more demanding. Suddenly, our family time had to be more intentional. We had to plan activities that everyone could enjoy and make an effort to carve out time in our increasingly busy lives.

What I learned is that family time isn’t about quantity—it’s about quality. It’s about making sure that the time you do spend together is meaningful. Whether it’s a family movie night, a hike, or just a simple dinner where everyone puts their phones away, the key is to be present and make the most of those moments.

Alone Time: The Non-Negotiable Recharge

Alone time is another plate I keep spinning no matter what. For me, this time is sacred—it’s my chance to recharge, reflect, and just breathe. I make sure to carve out at least 30 minutes a day for myself, whether it’s to read, meditate, or simply sit quietly with a cup of tea. This isn’t about being selfish; it’s about self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so taking time for yourself is crucial if you want to show up fully in other areas of your life.

Couple Time: Investing in Your Relationship

Couple time with Alex is something I prioritize fiercely. When our kids were young, we’d wait until they were asleep and have a late dinner together in the kitchen. As they got older, we realized the importance of getting out of the house and spending quality time together. We joined a neighborhood babysitting co-op with three other families. This allowed us to have two date nights a month, while also taking turns watching each other’s kids. It was a simple yet effective way to ensure we stayed connected as a couple.

The point is, relationships need attention. It’s easy to let them slip to the bottom of the priority list when life gets busy, but making time for your partner is essential for a healthy, happy relationship.

Work: The Ever-Present Plate

Of course, work is a plate that never stops spinning. There were times in my life when work consumed me, when the hospital demanded every ounce of my energy and left little room for anything else. But even during these intense periods, I made sure to plan ahead. I knew when things would be hectic, and I adjusted my other priorities accordingly. The key is to recognize when work has to take center stage and when it can take a backseat to other priorities.

As my family grew, I adjusted my work schedule to align better with my personal life. When my kids were young, I made sure to be home for their bedtime routines, even if it meant heading back to the hospital later in the evening. As they got older, I shifted my focus to working more during the day and keeping weekends free for family activities. It’s all about being adaptable and making your work fit into the life you want, not the other way around.

Rotating Plates: Embracing Flexibility

Aside from my core priorities, there are other plates that rotate in and out of focus depending on the season of life. Friendships, exercise, hobbies, and even travel have all taken turns as important plates in my life. The key is to recognize that not all plates need to spin at the same speed all the time. Some can take a break while others demand more attention. Flexibility is your friend here.

For example, when my kids were little, I didn’t travel much. But as they grew older, travel became a more prominent part of my life again. The same goes for exercise—I often combined it with other activities, like biking to work, to make sure it didn’t fall off my radar.

Creating Your Framework

The plates that matter to you might be different from mine, and that’s okay. The important thing is to sit down and think about what truly matters to you. What are your non-negotiables? What can you let go of? Once you’ve identified your core plates, make a plan to keep them spinning. This doesn’t mean you’ll never feel overwhelmed, but having a clear framework helps you manage your priorities more effectively.

Becoming Indistractable

One book that profoundly impacted my approach to managing my time is Nir Eyal's "Indistractable." In a world where our phones constantly compete for our attention, Eyal’s insights into time management are invaluable. He teaches how to be intentional with your time, so you can focus fully on whatever you’re doing—whether it’s work, family time, or personal hobbies—without getting lost in the endless scroll of social media.

The Digital Age Dilemma

Our phones are magical devices, but they can also be the biggest distractions. It’s easy to get sucked into a rabbit hole of notifications and updates. Eyal’s techniques help you resist these distractions and use technology in a more disciplined way. By controlling how you spend your time, you actually end up with more of it.

I won’t delve into every tool and technique Eyal offers—his book is full of strategies worth exploring. What I will say is that applying these principles has made me more focused and present in my life. Whether I’m at work, spending time with my family, or enjoying a quiet moment alone, I’m fully engaged in what I’m doing. This level of presence is essential for effectively managing multiple priorities—or as we’ve been calling it, spinning multiple plates.

A Reality Check

In a perfect world, we’d have a partner by our side, endless help, and the ability to juggle everything effortlessly. But let’s be real—that’s a fantasy. The reality is that we need to set clear boundaries about what we’re willing to do and what we’re not. This requires discipline—staying honest with ourselves about our limits and sticking to the priorities we’ve set. It’s okay if everything isn’t perfect. Embrace the imperfections, adjust as needed, and let go of the guilt that comes with not doing it all.

By focusing on the plates that truly matter and being intentional with your time, you can navigate the chaos of life with greater ease and satisfaction. Remember, it’s not about balance—it’s about making choices that align with your values and bring you joy.

What’s Next?

Stay tuned for Part 2, where we’ll talk about the concessions that come with these choices—how to make peace with what you’re letting go of to focus on what truly matters. And in Part 3, we’ll delve into the consequences of these choices and how to navigate them with grace.