Self-Care Part 1: Redefining Self-Care: Moving Beyond the Myths
When most people hear the phrase "self-care," they imagine spa days, bubble baths, or luxurious vacations—a brief moment to unwind before life demands their attention again. But in reality, self-care is far from these indulgent, temporary experiences. It’s a long-term commitment to your mental, emotional, and physical well-being, one that requires making intentional choices about your life every day. True self-care is about much more than pampering yourself; it’s about creating a sustainable foundation for your happiness and health.
Moving Beyond Society’s Expectations
In today’s world, the pressure to have it all can feel overwhelming. We’re constantly bombarded by social media images of curated lifestyles—Pinterest-perfect homes, flawless family photos, and idealized work-life balances. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that in order to be successful or happy, you need to match these images. For many women, this leads to an endless cycle of comparison and guilt. We feel like we’re failing if our houses aren’t immaculate or if we haven’t signed our kids up for every enriching activity under the sun.
But here’s the thing: Trying to meet these impossible societal expectations will only deplete you. The stress of living up to others’ standards will wear you down emotionally, mentally, and physically. This is where self-care, in its truest form, comes into play.
Real self-care is about making choices that align with your own needs and values, not what society tells you to value. It’s about saying, "I choose my own path, my own happiness, and my own way of doing things."
The Pressure to Be Perfect
I once believed that I had to be perfect to be successful, both at work and at home. I felt I had to say "yes" to every opportunity that came my way, stay on top of every task, and ensure that everything ran smoothly for my family. I was always pushing myself to the limit, but eventually I realized I was running on empty. My energy was completely depleted, and there was nothing left for me.
That’s when I had an epiphany: Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You can’t keep pouring from an empty cup. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t show up fully for anyone else, whether that’s your family, your colleagues, or even yourself.
I learned to live by a simple mantra: You matter. Your energy matters. Your satisfaction matters.
No one else is going to take care of that for you. Kids don’t care if your kitchen is spotless or if you’ve created the perfect Instagram-worthy birthday party. What they care about is how present you are with them, how engaged you are, and how happy you seem. When you’re burned out, they notice.
So, stop letting society’s expectations of motherhood, work, or success define your worth. True self-care is about showing up for yourself first so that you can show up for everyone else.
A Shift in Perspective: From Tasks to Moments
There was a time when I was constantly trying to keep up with my never-ending to-do list. The house had to be spotless, dinner had to be on the table, and the kids’ schedules had to run like clockwork. One day, after an exhausting workday, I was faced with the decision of tackling a mountain of household chores or taking a moment for myself. I was tempted to dive right into the chores because I felt like it was the “right” thing to do. But I stopped myself. Instead, I took a breath, stepped outside, and let the evening quiet reset me.
That small decision—to take a break instead of grinding through my list—was a pivotal moment. It reminded me that sometimes, mental peace outweighs crossing another item off the list.
The reality is, life will never be perfect. The laundry will always need folding, and there will always be more things to do. But if you’re constantly focused on keeping everything running smoothly, you’ll miss the moments that matter. That’s why true self-care isn’t about doing more; it’s about doing less—about creating space for connection and joy.
Self-Care as a Commitment to Yourself
Self-care means making a long-term commitment to your well-being. It means choosing yourself—your energy, your health, and your satisfaction—day in and day out. And that often involves saying no, setting boundaries, and letting go of perfectionism.
The reality is, the more you invest in yourself, the more you can give to others. When you’re drained and exhausted, you can’t be the best version of yourself. But when you take the time to recharge, you’ll find that everything else—your work, your relationships, your parenting—falls into place with greater ease.
Self-care is about respecting your limits and acknowledging that you deserve the same love, care, and attention that you give to everyone else in your life.
Practical Steps to Prioritize Self-Care
So, how do you begin to prioritize self-care in a meaningful way? Here are a few practical steps:
Set Boundaries: Learning to say no is one of the most powerful acts of self-care. When you stop overcommitting, you create space for the things that truly matter to you. Whether it’s at work or in your personal life, practice saying no to things that drain your energy and yes to things that bring you joy.
Let Go of Perfection: Perfection is a myth. Stop striving for an impossible ideal, whether it’s in your home, your appearance, or your career. Allow yourself to embrace imperfection and focus on what really matters—your well-being and your happiness.
Create a Ritual for Yourself: Find a daily ritual that allows you to recharge—whether it’s journaling in the morning, taking a walk after work, or spending 15 minutes reading before bed. This doesn’t have to be elaborate; it just has to be something that’s just for you.
Focus on What You Can Control: You can’t control everything, but you can control how you care for yourself. Focus on the areas of your life where you have agency, and let go of the things that are outside of your control.
Delegate and Ask for Help: Self-care isn’t about doing it all yourself. It’s about recognizing your limits and being okay with asking for help. Whether it’s outsourcing some household tasks, asking your partner to take on more responsibilities, or simply saying no to extra commitments, it’s okay to share the load.
You Deserve to Prioritize Yourself
As we redefine self-care, remember that it’s not about fleeting moments of pampering—it’s about making deliberate choices that align with your well-being. It’s about saying no to things that drain you and yes to things that energize you. It’s about letting go of society’s expectations and creating your own definition of success and happiness. And most importantly, it’s about acknowledging that you matter just as much as everyone else in your life.
When you take care of yourself, everything else falls into place. Your relationships improve, your work becomes more fulfilling, and you start to live a life that’s not only sustainable but deeply satisfying.
So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed, take a breath, step outside, and remind yourself: You deserve to prioritize your own happiness. You’ve got this.