Self-Care Part 3: Redefining Success and the Myth of Balance

As we wrap up our exploration of self-care, it’s time to focus on an often overlooked but critical aspect: how self-care intersects with our understanding of success. We live in a world that glorifies busyness and achievement, often at the expense of well-being. But what if the key to real success isn’t found in overworking or achieving more? What if, instead, it’s found in creating a life that truly fulfills you—one that prioritizes both self-care and satisfaction?

Self-Care and Success: The Professional Connection

In today’s hustle culture, success and self-care are often viewed as opposites. We’re taught that success is built on relentless productivity, sacrificing rest, and always saying "yes" to more work. But this traditional model of success often leaves us burnt out, disconnected, and far from satisfied.

For many years, I bought into this idea. I believed that to be successful, I had to be the person who could do it all—never missing a deadline, always picking up the slack, and staying late to ensure every detail was perfect. But over time, I found that this version of success came at a high cost—my health, my happiness, and my relationships.

There was a particular moment when everything shifted for me. I was leading a significant project, working late nights, and pushing myself to the limit. One day, my team pulled me aside and said, “You’ve been working too hard—let us take the lead.” It was a wake-up call. In my pursuit of success, I had been denying myself the rest and support I desperately needed, and I wasn’t giving my team the opportunity to step up.

This experience changed how I viewed success. I realized that true success doesn’t come from overworking or doing everything yourself—it comes from working smart, prioritizing your well-being, and empowering others to do the same. Self-care, I learned, isn’t the opposite of success; it’s a key component of it.

When we prioritize self-care, we enhance our capacity to perform at our best. We create an environment where both we and those around us can thrive. At work, this might mean trusting your team to take the lead on a project or setting boundaries around your time so you can recharge. By modeling self-care in the workplace, we encourage others to care for themselves as well, leading to a more balanced, productive, and fulfilled team.

Self-Care at Home: Finding Success in Relationships

At home, self-care aligns with success in a similar way. It’s easy to fall into the trap of keeping score—measuring who does more housework, who spends more time with the kids, or who’s carrying the emotional load of the household. But this mindset only leads to resentment and burnout.

True success in relationships comes from working together as a team. It’s about creating space for each other to rest and recharge. It’s about communicating openly about your needs and supporting each other’s well-being. When you take care of yourself, you create the emotional and mental bandwidth to be a better partner, parent, and friend.

For me, this meant learning to let go of control and perfectionism. It meant trusting my partner to handle things in his way—even if it wasn’t exactly how I would do it. By sharing the load, I found more time to focus on self-care, which in turn made me more present and available in my relationships. Success in this context wasn’t about doing everything perfectly; it was about creating a balanced, supportive environment where everyone could thrive.

Satisfaction Over Success

We live in a world that measures success by external markers—job titles, salaries, promotions, and accolades. But these things, while satisfying in the moment, don’t provide lasting fulfillment. Satisfaction, on the other hand, comes from within. It’s about knowing that you’re living in alignment with your values, that you’re showing up for the people and experiences that matter most.

For me, success used to be measured by how busy I was—back-to-back meetings, endless tasks checked off, and constant productivity. But a turning point came when I was at my son’s school play. I had been preoccupied with work all day, but when I saw him on stage, beaming with pride, I realized that these moments were what truly mattered. It wasn’t about my work title or how much I’d accomplished that day. It was about being present for my son and sharing that moment with him.

Success might bring fleeting moments of pride, but real satisfaction comes from knowing you’re there for the people who matter most. It’s about creating a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling, rather than one that’s defined by external achievements.

The Myth of Balance

Another key aspect of redefining success is letting go of the myth of balance. We’re constantly told to "find balance" between work, family, and self-care, as if it’s a magical formula we can achieve with the right time-management skills. But here’s the truth: Balance is a myth. It’s not a destination, and striving for it often leads to disappointment.

Balance suggests that every area of your life—work, family, self-care—can be equally distributed all the time. But life doesn’t work that way. Some days, your work will require more of your energy and focus. On other days, your family or personal well-being will need to take priority. And that’s okay.

Rather than chasing the elusive goal of balance, I’ve found it more helpful to focus on priorities. It’s about making conscious choices about where to direct your energy at any given time, understanding that life is an ebb and flow. Some days, your work might demand more from you. On other days, you’ll need to step back and focus on self-care or your relationships. The key is to be flexible and to give yourself grace in those moments when everything isn’t perfectly balanced.

Embracing a Nonlinear Journey

Just as balance is a myth, life itself doesn’t follow a straight path. We often imagine our lives progressing in neat, linear steps: We go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, and tick off achievements along the way. But real life rarely works that way, and neither should our approach to self-care.

Self-care, like life, is nonlinear. Some days, it might look like waking up early for a workout or spending the day at a spa. Other days, it’s giving yourself permission to skip the gym, order takeout, and relax on the couch. There’s no "right" way to do self-care, just as there’s no single path to success.

By embracing the nonlinear nature of life, we free ourselves from rigid expectations. We give ourselves permission to evolve, to change course, and to make choices that feel right for us in the moment. This flexibility allows us to live more fully, without the pressure of constantly measuring up to some external standard.

Choices, Concessions, and Grace

Finally, self-care is about giving yourself the grace to make choices—knowing that you can change them later if needed. It’s about understanding that no decision is set in stone. You can choose one thing today and make a different choice tomorrow, and that’s okay.

As women, we often feel the pressure to make the "right" choice in every situation—whether it’s about our career, parenting, or relationships. But self-care means letting go of that pressure. It means embracing the idea that choices aren’t about failure or concession. Just because you make a different decision down the line doesn’t mean you were wrong before. It means you’re evolving and adapting, which is a sign of growth, not weakness.

The grace you give yourself in these moments builds confidence. It allows you to trust your instincts and to trust that you’re doing the best you can with the information you have. And when things don’t go as planned, you have the power to choose again.

Redefining Success Through Self-Care

In the end, redefining success through the lens of self-care means shifting our focus from external achievements to internal satisfaction. It’s about creating a life that aligns with our values and priorities, rather than one that’s defined by societal expectations. It’s about letting go of the myth of balance and embracing the ebb and flow of life.

When we prioritize self-care, we create space for more meaningful connections, more fulfilling experiences, and a deeper sense of satisfaction. Success isn’t about doing more or achieving more. It’s about living a life that feels rich in the moments that matter most.

As we conclude this exploration of self-care, remember that you have the power to define what success looks like for you. You deserve to live a life that feels fulfilling, joyful, and aligned with your values. And the first step toward that life is taking care of yourself—because when you do, everything else falls into place.

You've got this.